I've always known this but I realized that this indecisiveness is in fact not me, and does not define me however it is a reflection of fear of doing something wrong.
I always sort of thought it was a characteristic of me to be unsure of myself and to change my mind often from the smallest to the biggest decisions...turns out...I'm just a people pleaser, and not only that I'm trying to hard to make God happy so He won't punish me, instead of just loving Him and letting Him love me.
I have all these ideas about the the future, who I will be, and who I will be with (recently this has really been on my heart as I feel like I'm being led once again in a specific direction) but I know...more than anything this truth.
I cannot decipher God's plans for me, for my future, or even what tomorrow holds. But I am safe. He is with me, and I can trust that He will not leave me if I mess up.
For now, I know that I need to focus on the "one", as Emily reminded me the other day, Jesus.
Jesus is doing great things here. He is evident in many events that are happening, evident in the strength I have renewed every day, and the ability we have to trust, and not worry about tomorrow. Not out of immaturity or a lack or responsibility, but in defiance of what the world says we should do, we know that tomorrow lies in the hands of our creator, and worry is fear, which is cast out by perfect love, which leads us to trust "the one" who loves us so well.
I'm fighting worrying,
but more so I'm realizing I don't have to do anything at all, what should be will be if I am resting in the love of my creator and responding to Him in the ways He leads me.
I think God is going to teach more more and more that I cannot, and do not need to work for His love.
All my works are nothing, His love for me isn't increased by them.
