Yesterday was just a weird day...or a day with a weird beginning.
I woke up and I couldn't get the events of the night before out of my head. I was thinking about the Bible study we have here at my apartment every wednesday night for our International friends.
The night before I had felt such victory, just at the discussion we had been having, the seeking of truth, the respect and mutual love that was being shared by everyone participating. None of us were trying to one up anyone else. We had lots of questions, and way fewer answers, but that's beautiful these days. Being able to simply say...this is what I believe, this is who I trust, this is why, and this is all the stuff I'm still unsure of too. That's one of the greatest freedoms to me at this point.
So I was totally baffled when i woke up the very next day, feeling completely defeated and annoyed. Why was it that my friends are seeking truth and they haven't found yet? I felt so impatient...why is it that You say "Seek with all your heart and you will find me" "and I'm knocking at the door waiting for you to answer". It seems that when my friend says "well I just don't know if I can believe in God now, it's not that I don't want to, but I wish I had been born with this knowledge that God was real, then i wouldn't have to be stuck here not knowing if i believe"...it seems those are the words and the character of a man who is truly seeking truth. Especially if you know him and you realize 80 percent of his conversations seem to be monopolized by the topic of God and religion these days, I'd say he's seeking pretty hard.
In the deepest part of my heart I know the answer is that He is God and I am not. I know that His timing is perfect and He is creating a masterpiece in front of me, but I am too dull to even see it.
I wrote a lot more but it got deleted...it wasn't meant to be i suppose, at least that's how i'm going to play it.
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